Twogirlsnochill
Welcome to Two Girls, No Chill - The podcast with no plan, no filter, and honestly... No self-control.
This what happens when you give two chaotic besties a couple mics and let them say whatever they want. It's unfiltered, unpredictable, and just the right amount of messy.
So, buckle up ... because we have absolutely no chill.
Twogirlsnochill
Snacks, Tantrums and Questionable Parenting
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Welcome back to Two Girls No Chill, today we dive into the world of parenthood. Tantrums, snacks, messes and all the fun in between. This is the parenting guide no one asked for.
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Alright.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Good?
SPEAKER_02Welcome back again.
SPEAKER_01Welcome back. Welcome back.
SPEAKER_02Always.
SPEAKER_01Welcome back. It's too gross, no chill. I'm Chamel. I'm Sarah. And we're gonna talk about the beautiful chaos nobody fully prepared us for. And that is becoming a parent.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_01We have two millennial moms here with their chaotic children. At least mine are.
SPEAKER_02Mine are.
SPEAKER_01And we're just going to talk about that. Yeah. And we are surviving.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Yes. I hope you're ready.
SPEAKER_01Blink twice if you're in danger.
SPEAKER_02Currently, no children here, so think we're good.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_02Um. Yeah, I mean how's it going? That's about how's it going.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Um, let's see, let's see. I have um three beautiful children. Um, yeah, I have three beautiful children. I have two. Um, I have yeah, um, I was gonna say genders, but I'm not gonna say genders. Um I have a 13-year-old, I have a six-year-old, and I have a two-year-old. So I have one in every era in a sense. I have a toddler, I have a not preschooler anymore, but like I have like a kid, and then I have a teenager. Um, no one has prepared me for any of this, and I don't think, you know, anyone it truly knows how to be a parent. They're we're just winging it as time goes on. Um, yeah, pretty much. My my beautiful middle child was diagnosed with ADHD. I'm not surprised. I saw that coming from a mile away. Um, we just finally have a diagnosis. Um, my little um my little one is very sassy and talks a lot of crap as of lately, because we're finding our words. So we're just give gabbing and talking shit all of the time. And if they don't get their way, then they're a fist. And it's great. And then I have my teenager who never wants to get out of their room, doesn't want to associate with the world, and wants to play video games all day.
SPEAKER_02What's that? And gives me attitude. It's that uh section of life.
SPEAKER_01Yes, where uh mom, you're not cool. Yeah, and I don't want to be by myself. That came out of nowhere. Embarrassed me.
SPEAKER_02That was too quick.
SPEAKER_01Like, can we not? Can we slow down? You know? That's not the song. Slow down. Not that way. No, not that way.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah, I have two of my own and a bonus child. Um, similar age ranges, um 143 and six months.
SPEAKER_01An old potato!
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, they're huge, huge, wearing 12-month clothes at six months. I don't know what is going on. Um, and then my three-year-old is so smart, she talks so much. Literally, I don't understand. Sometimes she'll come up with a phrase that I have never heard her say before. Um, out of nowhere, and I'm like, oh.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I got it. Yeah. Sorry, there's so many noises happening. I know.
SPEAKER_01Did we heard a scream earlier, guys? Yeah, we did. Whoa. It was definitely just downstairs. That would have been perfect for a paranormal. Yeah. Not gonna lie. It was that kind of scream.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, definitely sounded like it. Um, and then the 14-year-old, unfortunately, we don't see them very often, but um great as well.
SPEAKER_01So tall.
SPEAKER_02So tall. Out of nowhere. Kids are so tall.
SPEAKER_01Out of nowhere.
SPEAKER_02These kids are so tall.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Um mine's is almost five eight. Yeah. Just for uh visualization.
SPEAKER_02I think my bonus child is about five five, maybe, at this point.
SPEAKER_01Tall.
SPEAKER_02Um, my three-year-old is more than half my height. I'm five feet. Um, my six-month-old is 27 and a half inches tall, so following the lead.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Not not far behind. Yeah. It's already two feet. Oh, your kids are gonna. It's already two feet. Yeah, your kids are gonna tower you. You know what's crazy? Put it in perspective. My little child is only three foot seven, three foot eight.
SPEAKER_02Which is like 42 inches.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and they're six years old. Three foot eight. And your baby is what?
SPEAKER_02Um, my baby baby is 27 and a half inches tall tall. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01At six months.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I had a beautiful six months.
SPEAKER_02Hopefully. Potato I'm gonna look up um my three-year-old's height from the last appointment. Because tall.
SPEAKER_01Honestly, tall too.
SPEAKER_02Honestly, crazy tall.
SPEAKER_01Like, I'm I'm done having kids. Um, and we won't get into that as to why I'm done having kids, but no one expects you. Oh my god. Three foot three and a quarter. I have a short king. My short king. Oh my gosh. Um, oh my gosh. But yeah, like I I'm I'm done having kids, and no one really prepares you for deadly. Oh, okay. No one really prepares you for the the the speed in which they grow. Um, how amazing it is to witness how smart they get. Overnight. Um seriously, literally overnight. Um, and then just like the overwhelming amount of joy and happiness you get from just like seeing them flourish. And how fucking protective. Oh my gosh, yes. Like, mom strength is no fucking joke. It's no fucking joke. I will literally like I will do anything for my kids. Yeah, it's insane.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's pretty wild. Um, that is one thing I didn't know about or expect.
SPEAKER_01Like I like you hear about it, but you don't, you're just like, no, they're exaggerating. They're exaggerating, and then you have your first kid, and then it's just like, what the fuck?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, it's wild. Um, I babysat a lot, so I didn't have too many odd like expectation for surreality moments. Um, because I was just around babies a lot, so um, I was pretty prepared for that stage of taking care of a newborn or like a like a infant. Um, obviously this the lag of sleep I wasn't prepared for, um, although I don't get a lot of sleep anyways, so I guess mentally I was a little bit prepared for that. Um definitely learning from the first birth slash postpartum slash six months, um carrying that into the second birth postpartum six months, um it was so much easier. Yeah, like the sleeping was easier. We figured out a schedule that worked for us. The first time we tried doing like a schedule, it didn't work. We both tried to sleep at night. That was the worst. Um but yeah, it got easier the second time for the beginning part. Um obviously children are different from each other all the time, so um yeah.
SPEAKER_01Some babies actually like sleep through the night. Um some babies don't sleep at all. Yeah, they have sleep regressions, which is insane. Um, but yeah, nobody prepares you for the early days, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's kind of hard to prepare for that, anyways. Like you can get a lot of advice, you can get a lot of stories, you can get a lot of um first hand first hand experiences from people, but nothing can prepare your body for that shock of uh one hour of sleep. Honestly. Um I remember so specifically one time I woke up to Chris waking me up, and he's like, hey, put him down. And I was like, Huh?
SPEAKER_01I'm like, who do I have? Who do I have to put down? And like the baby was over here.
SPEAKER_02I was like leaning against the wall, kind of, and the baby was here. Um, like as if you know you're holding them up towards your chest, and then slowly your arm falls. Um, so they were okay, yeah. But I was like, I don't remember picking them up. I don't remember getting up, picking them up, nothing. I remember putting them down to sleep, and then me going to sleep, yeah. I don't remember picking them back up, and I was freaking out. I was freaking out. He's like, it's okay, they're fine, it's okay, they're sleeping. Like you did it. He put them back in there. I was like, I was like, I can't go back to sleep. But I was like so just completely like, I don't remember picking them back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but that's like the crazy thing about being a mom, is like you just know your instincts kick in, and you just know what to do, even if like you're not fully aware of what the fuck you're doing, you know how to do it and then the proper manner and to make sure that your child is safe, which is insane.
SPEAKER_02It's so crazy, insane. It really is, it really, really is. Um any expectation versus reality moments for you?
SPEAKER_01Ugh. I um was a single mom with my first pregnancy, um, and then I'm currently a single mom now. Um, so my early days with my first was very different. I didn't do all of the front work. Um, and then with my second, which a seven-year age gap, um, was a lot more different. I was expecting to do everything alone all over again. Like that's just how my mindset was. So to be able to kind of have some assistance and some help within the first um earlier stages for my second um was a lot better. Um, so I definitely expected to do that alone, but I had some help. The thing that really kicked my ass um with my first one, I did not breastfeed. I just I don't think I was mentally in the right mindset. I was also really young, I was 21. Um with my second, I attempted it and I expected to flourish. I followed all of the steps and I crashed and burned and got so depressed and thought I was broken and I was unfit. Yeah, which really fucked my brain up. Um, but yeah, I expected to just get it done, like everything was going fine. Um, turns out it was just not me. My uh my middle child has a tongue tie, which makes it very impossible for them to latch on properly. Yeah. Um, and I didn't know that because they didn't catch it in the hospital. So I didn't know that until like months later, after I had to stop breastfeeding and kind of like um, what is it called when you do both? It's it's been a supplement. Yes, it's been a very long time. Um, so I had to uh supplement uh breast milk because I would pump and then uh do formula until I went just full formula because I ended up drawing out, which sucked. But but yeah, that was one of like my expectations was like I'm gonna nail this. I mean I'm I have my mindset right, like I can do this, I really want to do this, and then I just failed and crashed and burned miserably. Um and the sleeping portion, I honestly was expecting to crash and burn on that, but I flourished on that, which was like the complete opposite. I was expecting to just be like I'm gonna be toe-drained, I have to do, I have to do all the feeding and did the diaper changes and all that stuff. So to be able to just be like awake enough and like have the energy to be able to do that, and I thought I was just gonna crash and burn on that part. So that was that was nice to not have to deal with the burnout or the crashing of the I don't know, it was just what I thought I was gonna be good at, I sucked, and what I thought I was gonna suck at, I did good.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, definitely breastfeeding is like um was a journey. Um my first latched for like 40 minutes immediately when they came out, and then was like having trouble latching here and there, and then I just for my mental health, I was like, I can't keep trying. Yeah, I have to stop because I am going crazy. Um and then my second, I really wanted to breastfeed. Um, so as soon as it came out, did not latch, did not want to latch at all. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna keep trying. So I tried to even pump, um, but then the supply never came in, and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna stop now. And then it was so painful. Yes, stop it. It was so painful. Um, and then your partner doesn't know they're a man, they don't know what it's like. I don't know what it's like to not empty your boots with milk. Yeah, so it's like they're just boulders, yes, literal boulders on your chest for days, yes, even it could last weeks, I believe. Yes, um, it's terrible. Um, I I would put ice packs in my bra because it was so so painful.
SPEAKER_01Um, with my first one, because I didn't want to breastfeed. What they told me was to wrap my boobs really, really tight.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_01To prevent the flow from going.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I get that. So that's a good tip that my my uh nurses told me in the hospital. Yeah. Like they knew I was gonna breastfeed, so they literally took a blanket and they just like wrapped my boobs really, really tight. They're like, this is to prevent you, you know, your your milk supply from coming in so that way you're not engorged and in pain and all of that stuff. I was like, never knew that.
SPEAKER_02Never knew that. Also, if you start pumping and you want to stop like breastfeeding altogether or pumping altogether, don't keep doing it. It might seem like it's a good release to just stop. Don't do it.
SPEAKER_01Because then you're just gonna keep you're just gonna reset it. Yes, it's just gonna trigger your body to be like, oh, we're still feeding a baby. We need to produce more milk.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I I made the mistake of doing that.
SPEAKER_01It was like, oh, I just need to I just need to empty these, yeah, and then you did, and then it happened all.
SPEAKER_02I was like, oh, it hurts, and then I did, and I was like, Oh, this feels better. Yeah, I was like, okay, now stop. And then it happened all over so bad.
SPEAKER_01All over it was so bad.
SPEAKER_02Oh just a fair warning. Yes, honestly, for real.
SPEAKER_01Just just stop. If you're gonna stop.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. What uh shocked you the most when you were first first time?
SPEAKER_01My first time? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um or looking back, I guess, even on the second or third.
SPEAKER_01I think for me it was um you had just given birth, or I had just given birth, and first time parent, and they're just like, Okay, you're good to go home.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I'm just like, I just had a baby, and I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. And they're just like, Yep, you're fine, you chose this, like goodbye. But also, my nurse was a raging bitch when I when I gave birth. Oh my god, she was so fucking rude, um, which was terrible, and I didn't go back to the hospital again. Um but yeah, just knowing like it was really like eye-opening and like smack in the face, like, hey, you just had a baby, take it home with you and keep it alive. Yeah, and that really was just like fuck, okay. Um yeah, pretty much. It's just like a hey, um, you are responsible for this tiny human being, make sure they don't die. Yeah, but they don't tell you about the soft spot on the head or the sits or making sure that the baby needs to sleep a certain way, or if the baby doesn't eat after a long period of time, they can die from dehydration, or all of these things. They're just like, Okay, here's your baby, goodbye. Go, go, especially, and I had a C-section for my first one, so I was also cut open and healing from that, but also being a single parent, it was hell. Yes, it was a lot, it was a lot, it was a lot to deal with. Um, so I think all of that combined was the biggest like shock for me. Yeah, because there's literally no help out there, and to this day, they're still the same. Like, they're just still like, hey, kid, be on your way. Good luck. Yep, keep this human alive. Good luck. Bye. We'll see you in six weeks.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. I mean, it is it is a huge shock to just be like, oh, I can go. Yeah, just like that. I can just leave. Yep.
SPEAKER_01Um, and then after major surgery, they just give you like two extra days and they're like, okay, you're good to go. Bye. Don't rip open your stitches or your sur or your staples or whatever. Like that's another thing. And they expect you to carry the fucking baby out. I'm sorry. So, like, you just have a c-section. You're probably by yourself if you, you know, um, if you're a single parent. You're by yourself, you just had a c-section, and you're expected to carry your baby out, but you cannot carry a certain amount of weight. Right. Put two and two together.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like, can you help me at least? Yeah, like somebody that could uh honestly, like they I'm not saying they set you up for failure, but they don't set you up for success either. Yeah. Like, it's just it's it's mind-boggling to me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, it's pretty wild. It really is. Um, they also don't tell you, um, like vaginal birth, my first was um, I don't I I don't know how much I tore. I don't know what I was supposed to look for. I had hemorrhoids, didn't know. Yep, I learned the hard way. Um, yeah, so many things I was like, nobody told me any of this one. They don't tell you shit. Like, hello?
SPEAKER_01They tell you absolutely nothing.
SPEAKER_02Like, am I supposed to like look for something? Am I supposed to do anything with those stitches? Am I supposed to like I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Yes, anything.
SPEAKER_02Granted, there's really not much you can do, but uh, it would still be nice to know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because like honestly, if you break something or if you get a cut and you have to get stitches, they're gonna tell you, like, hey, don't get these wet, have these on, or these are dissolvable, or we have to put this many stitches, or blah blah blah blah blah. Right. But when it comes to the female reproductive system and they tear their vagina, like they don't tell you, oh, we have to put this many stitches, don't get them wet, or we'll come back and we'll remove this from this and this. Yeah, they don't tell you shit. Yeah, none of that. All I was told is that they're dissolvable and they're gonna check them in six weeks. Yeah. In six weeks, we'll check them. And then and then you're good to fucking have another kid if you want to.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah. I just got like, oh my god, it's just frustrating.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it was a lot. It really was. The first time, especially I had I got hemorrhoids and I got an episiotomy because I was pushing for so well, it wasn't that long, but I was I was pushing for what felt like forever to me because I was on no sleep and no food.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, so I had uh in reality only been pushing for an hour and a half. Okay. That is a long time for me.
SPEAKER_01I pushed for two hours.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, see, so definitely people have pushed for longer. Um, but yeah, I um I don't I don't know what the tear even would look like or like where they cut or anything. How many stitches, nothing. Exactly. Literally nothing. Nope, not at all. Like, um, okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and they really should take a take take into account how long you've been in labor to kind of be like, hey, this is what's going on. Yeah. Kind of situation. Yeah, I like we know you're sleep deprived because you've been up for like 13 hours straight and having contractions and then you know, active labor. Yeah. Um, so this is what happened, and blah blah blah blah blah. They're just like, all right, you're good. Here, here's your baby.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, literally, I think it was 17 hours, 18 hours of contractions and some meds. No epidural until I was eight centimeters, but um um just because I didn't want one, but then I was like, I need it, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um you can only go for so long, yeah. Honestly, kudos to literally all the moms that went medication free. Yeah, you get your flowers because the pain is insane, it really is.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I think I honestly think I could have done it with my second if it wasn't an induction.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because those sucks.
SPEAKER_02My gosh. Hatocin sucks. Those were bad.
SPEAKER_01Is the worst thing you can possibly have.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um although I had a failed epidural.
SPEAKER_02Same the second time.
SPEAKER_01Same for both.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I thought the first time it was failed, but actually failing the second time, I was like, oh, the first time.
SPEAKER_01Oh, the first time actually really worked. No, mine's both of mine failed. My with my third one, I had an epidural failed. They gave me meds and then tried to do a spinal tap, failed. So they had to knock me out so I can give birth to my child.
SPEAKER_02Jeez.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Yeah, I mean, I can feel everything.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01They're like, oh, can you feel this on your feet? When they're like ready to like cut you open when you have a C-section. Like, yeah, I can feel that. I can feel you stabbing my feet. They're like, you're not, you shouldn't be feeling that. I was like, well, I do. They're like, okay, we're gonna do the spinal tap. We they did that um while I was having insane contractions, because mind you, I was pushing already. Um, so I was already 10 centimeters dilated, fully on. I was already pushing for like at least an hour and a half. Um, and then they're like, okay, this baby's really not coming. Because every time I would push out, should go right back in and then out and then in and then out. And it was just it was frustrating. Um, to then have them be like, okay, we're gonna do a C-section. You're you shouldn't be able to feel this. Yeah, I feel all that. All right, let's do a spinal tap. You shouldn't be able to feel this. I feel all looked at. So they're like, the only way we can do this is if we knock you out. And I was just like, okay. I mean, that's literally the only choice I have. Yeah, seriously. And then you're drugged up in so much pain, and they're like, sign here, please. For real. I fucking hate that. Like, please sign here. This is not gonna look like my signature, but okay, and scribble, do some lines, do what you have to do to save me and my child.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, seriously.
SPEAKER_01That's literally it.
SPEAKER_02What's so true? Like, did you wanna get knocked out? Um, yeah, what's the other option? Try another spinal, like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01What's the other option? Cut off my feet, literally, just do it with me feeling all of the pain. Yeah, make me pass out.
SPEAKER_02Seriously.
SPEAKER_01That would work. That would work. I guess. Make me pass out. That would definitely work. Yeah, yeah. No one no one understands the amount of trauma us women go through when trying to bring a child into this world.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it is no one talks about it.
SPEAKER_01It is wild, and then the trauma following all of us, you know, postpartum depression is a very, very real thing. And I feel like a lot of dads don't understand. Some do, and give them their flowers because they are amazing and they're able to help you with the mental load and kind of you know help you go through the process of the depression that is insane for a lot of women. Um, but yeah, it's just it's a lot, it is a lot a lot to deal with, and it gets really dark, yeah, and scary.
SPEAKER_02And there's different types, yes. I didn't know that. Um even after my first I didn't know that. But there's like postpartum rage, postpartum psychosis, postpartum depression, there's baby blues, which is not as bad as postpartum depression, but it's still like it it fucks with your hormones. Um, yeah, there's so many different ones. I mean, and like thank goodness I only had baby blues for both my kids, but still, it's it was still very jarring experience. It's like all your emotion all your hormones level out quickly, yeah. So they're like going crazy, um, from being so extreme one way, going back to another what your quote unquote normal would be. Yeah. Um, it's a lot.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it is a lot, it is a lot, and then trying to act normal and go back to your pre-pregnancy um self is a journey. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, it took nine months to grow this baby, it's gonna take you nine months to you know go back. No, it takes years. It takes years. Years definitely years. Like, I'm still going through it. Yeah, still trying to get back to my my old self. And sometimes you just have to give up. Yeah, you just have to admit that you know, and just start start anew. Yeah. Honestly.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It gets it gets real. It gets really real.
SPEAKER_02It really is. It's it can be a lot for some people. I mean, we've seen all these crazy stories of mothers literally going crazy.
SPEAKER_01Yes, because of kidnapping babies that are not their babies, yeah. Or, you know, doing unspeakable things to their own children. Um, there's um, I've seen a couple that um they just have like a uh a silicone and that's their baby, yeah. Silicone baby kind of situation. That's their baby, like that's their baby because their baby passed because of the depression.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01And now they just have like their silicone baby, and that's like their baby, so that in their eyes they still have their child, kind of sense. So it's it's a lot, it's a whole lot to deal with. Um, and then you know, no one prepares you for the stages after that. Um, and I feel like the newborn early stages are not easy, but easier than when you have a toddler. Yeah. Um, because your child is just a potato laying there, and you know, just accepts the fact that it's just, you know, it's eating, pooping, and yeah, eating, pooping, crying, sleeping, done. Until they start moving, rolling over, crawling, running, and being little shits. Because let's be honest, we all have one, or many, yeah. Um, and the toddler stages are insane. Terrible twos are in fact a real thing. Um, the threes are just as bad, also, and so on and so forth.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but three year olds in the why stage. Uh just literally why to everything.
SPEAKER_01Why? Why? But we're doing this but why? Because we're doing this for why.
SPEAKER_02Also, she questions it. So, like, if I'm like, Oh, I have to go to work, she's like, why? And I was like, Well, I have to make money. She's like, Why? I'm like, Well, you want food and toys and everything. She's like, but what happens if I don't have any more toys? And I was like, Well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Well, I can't buy you more because I'm not going to work.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Basically, she's like, Don't go to work. I don't need toys. I don't go to work. No, you do. I don't need toys. I know you. I don't need toys. And then you one one day you just take them all away. Like, I didn't go to work, so we don't have toys. But why? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02The source is cycle again. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh my goodness. Or tantrums.
SPEAKER_02Tantrums are oh, tantrums are hard.
SPEAKER_01Are so difficult. And I still remember this one tantrum my oldest had um when they were you want to say like two on the cusp of three. Um, it was just me and them were at the grocery store, and they wanted um, they wanted something that they saw, and I stepped on and they screamed bloody murder, threw themselves on the ground, and just went at it and had a full-on tantrum, would not get out of it. And I literally had to leave my cart, pick up my child, and go into the car and just go home. I was just like, I cannot do this. Now, I was full on embarrassed. I was a young mom, so I was full-on embarrassed because I thought that I was a failure as a parent because I couldn't control my child. Yeah. And I felt terrible because I'm I'm setting boundaries for my child, like you can't always have what you want, right? Um, situation, but also like I feel like I'm failing as a parent because I don't know how to help you regulate your emotions. Right. So it's like a catch-22 with the situation of like I don't know what to do with myself, but I also don't know how to help you handle yourself. Yeah. And they're relying on me to be able to help them. So it's very frustrating. Um, but tantrums are not fun. No. And I still have them going on, obviously. Yeah. Because I have a six-year-old with ADHD who still throws tantrums, and they feel with all of their emotions. All of them. Um, all of the emotions all at once. And then I have my diva. Just sassy, sassy little diva that still throws tantrums. Yeah. But her tantrums are she'll put herself in the corner. Oh. Yep. If she does not get her way, she'll walk into the corner and out. Okay. And just look for me. Look, like she'll go into the corner and she'll be like this, or she'll be like this, with her hands crossed or covering her hands covering her face, and then she'll look for me, and she'll be like, and then if she sees me, she'll be like, mommy. And I'm just like, girl, you can't have what you want. Like I said no. No. And then I'll be like, You're fine. You're you're gonna be fine. I said no. It's it is what it is. Suck it up. Yeah, it'll be fine. No, no, or if I say something that she doesn't like, she'll try to cover my mouth. Oh my gosh. Yeah, she'll be like, no, no. I'm trying to make it out of my mouth. Like, oh, we're gonna, we're gonna fight. We're gonna fight. We can fight. We're gonna fight. But yeah, that's her thing. She will literally put herself in the gosh.
SPEAKER_02No, with my oldest, um it was yeah.
SPEAKER_01I love that every single time. Yes, because there's no words. No words.
SPEAKER_02Her tantrums were like crying to the point of throwing up. Oh my god, I remember that. Like every time. So we would have to try and regulate her breathing with her so that she wouldn't throw up. I would let her cry it out for a few minutes, but then when it got to the point where she started coughing, I'm like, okay, breathe. Breathe. Let's take a deep breath together. Yeah, still no, but like just take a deep breath. Yeah. Um, it's gotten so much better. Um, I'm probably gonna do the same thing with my six-month-old or just breathe through it because it works so well with her. I'm like, okay, if she gets upset, yeah, she'll might cry, but then I'm like, hey, hey, you don't want to throw up, right? Don't do it. So we breathe through it. Um, she can now she can tell me what's wrong. Um, so that's a little easier. Um, but she's been pretty good. I mean, there are times where she'll say, um, she she loves to to say um so if I say no to something, so she's like, Oh, I wanna play with this, and I'm like, no, we gotta go. And she's like, No, I wanna play with this right now. And I'm like, Lila? One? And she's like, Okay. I literally have to say one, thankfully.
SPEAKER_01Fine, I'm defeated. Yeah. Take my L. Take my L.
SPEAKER_02Um, I do pick and choose my battles. Yeah. Like if it's a really if we're really in a rush and we're really trying to go somewhere like, hey, bring it with you. Come on, let's go.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, honestly, that's all we really can do. Yeah. Because I'm the same way.
SPEAKER_02I'm not gonna fight you. No, I'm really not. I don't have the energy.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes you just have to be like, you know what? Bring it, but we're not taking it into the store or if not taking it, whatever. It stays in the car. Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_02That happened this morning. Uh, we were going to bring uh my six-month-old to his appointment, and she's like, Can I bring these? And I'm like, Yes, we're just gonna leave them in the car. When we got there, I was like, hey, put those down. And she's like, but why? And I was like, Well, there's other kids in there, you don't want them to take it. And she's like, Okay, she was fine. But my goodness, talk her. She uh is just will talk to anybody about anything, um, about the weirdest things. Like, my mom fell while watching her one time, and then for weeks after that, she's telling everybody that grandma fell. My mom is fine now.
SPEAKER_01Hey guys, hey guys, my grandma stopped.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, guys, we went to her eye doctor appointment and she's like, My grandma fell. And I was like, Oh, Lila.
SPEAKER_01Like, Lila, ain't nobody cares, girl.
SPEAKER_02But the eye doctor is my mom's eye doctor, so he's like, Oh my gosh, is she okay? And I was like, Yeah, she's okay. I was like, She's just saying, I thought he didn't understand her because he was like, What? And I was like, Oh, she's saying that her grandma fell, my mom, and she and he's like, No, I know, is she okay? And I'm like, Oh, yeah, she's good. She's fine, she's fine, she's fine, but yeah, so just bringing up out of nowhere. She's like, I've got this toy, and she's like, and my grandma fell.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, Liza, stop telling people. She's gonna be one of those kids where like y'all are gonna get into like a fight or something, and she'll be a school. She'd be like, guys, my mommy and daddy are fighting, or my mommy and daddy don't like each other.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, she will tell our story.
SPEAKER_01I'll be like, mommy made daddy sleep on the couch.
SPEAKER_02Um, one time she picked out a mug for Father's Day. I didn't tell her it was for her father because I knew she would probably tell him. Yes. So I was like, Do you pick one you like? Pick one you like, and then I hid it until Father's Day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because of that. I'd like Daddy, we got you this for something. Or we got you this at the store.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, hey, on Father's Day, I was like, hey, go give this to Poppy, go give it to him. And she's like, Ba, look. She said, Happy Father's Day. She's like, I got that earlier.
SPEAKER_01I got this earlier, but I didn't tell you because I didn't know.
SPEAKER_02Weeks ago. Yeah, it was funny. Yeah, she will tell our secrets, she will let people know any crazy thing that happened in her life, even if it's that grandma fell.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, yes, a lot.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, my middle ones always say hi to everyone.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I'm like I w here. Downtown area of where we live, it's not the greatest. No, not at all. Um, and we were here once, and we were walking to the little restaurant over there to get some food, and there was a guy in the corner, just like, I don't know what he was doing, but it was like a homeless guy or just sketchy looking guy. And she's like, What about him?
SPEAKER_01And I was like, Oh Lila, uh, Lila, stop pointing, stop talking, just eyes down. She's like, I was like, let's just go get food, please. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they'd be like, Who's that? What are they doing?
SPEAKER_02Who's that? I'm like, I don't know. She's like, but why? And I was like, because it's a strange thing. What are they doing?
SPEAKER_01Hi! Hi! And then people just don't say hi back, yeah. Which is pretty fucked up. Yeah. If a little kid says hi to you, please say hi back.
SPEAKER_02I say hi even before the kids are saying you're going to make their day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Seriously. Um, but yeah, they say hi to everyone. Everyone.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Hi.
SPEAKER_02Like, please, please stop. Please stop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Like, you're a little too friendly to strangers. We need to stop. Yeah. And that's like one thing that they taught us when we were kids. It's like stranger danger. Yeah. Stranger danger. Which is probably why we're very anti-social people. Yeah. We don't want to associate. I know. I'm trying not to hinder it so much. We don't want to associate with people, but at the same time, our kids are way too social. Yeah. They say hi to literally anyone. And they'll have a full-on conversation. Full blown. Yeah. Full blown. A random person in the grocery store. They just have a whole full. This is my toy, and this is what I named it. Oh, and this is my sister. And this is what the and grandma fell. Oh, yeah. They'll just go on a full-on tangent about their little lives. Meanwhile, the stranger is just like trying to leave. Yeah, I feel like slowly pushing their card away. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_02I don't blame you if you walk away. If my toddler's talking your ear off.
SPEAKER_01Honestly.
SPEAKER_02At least say hi, but that's it.
SPEAKER_01Just say hi and then walk away. Yeah. Unless you really want to associate a conversation with them, then go. That's great. Sure. You'll make their day. Yeah. But if you don't want to, just be like hi and keep warming.
SPEAKER_02The only thing is, my three-year-old will hug everybody.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. My youngest does not.
unknownPeople.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Mm-hmm. That's okay.
SPEAKER_01She'll say hi. Yeah. And don't touch me. That's good though. Don't touch me. That's good. Don't touch me. I want my mother. Don't touch me.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01All you're gonna get is a hi from me. And I'm gonna have my resting pit trace on and walk away. Don't touch me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I've definitely reinforced like if you say no, that's okay. Even with family. Yes. Like, go give them a hug. No is a false. Earlier she said no, and I was like, okay, that's fine. Um, now she'll hug anybody.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01But like, yeah, for sure. Like, don't be like, oh, you have to give a hug to grandma, you have to give no. Yeah. No, no, guys.
SPEAKER_02Like, no, she doesn't, actually.
SPEAKER_01They're entitled to their own comfort. Yeah. For sure. So, like, if your kid does not want to give a hug or say hi to someone or associate themselves with anyone, then just let them be great. Yeah. They're they're finding their boundaries, let them have their boundaries.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely, yeah.
SPEAKER_01They are human. They might be tiny humans, but they are human after all.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oh goodness. I miss my kids right now.
SPEAKER_01I know. My little Satan spawns. Oh man. And I think we can all agree that our own children are assholes. A lot of people don't like saying that. No. But be fucking realistic here. Being a mom can be annoying. Yes. And your kids can be assholes. Yeah. They're not trying to be assholes, but they can be assholes. And that's okay to admit that your kid's an asshole. Yeah. Or your kid's a dick. It happens. Your kid's not a saint. Not and no one's perfect. Yeah. Literally no one is perfect. Unless you're a bundle of joy that you just entered into this world, then you're perfect. But once you are, you know, you're a couple months old and you have your old personality seeping through, they can be an asshole. And that is okay. Okay? Don't let anyone tell you that you can't call your son or your daughter or your child a dick. Yeah. Because they are. It just happens. Yeah. And it's okay. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02They might grow into somebody better. But at the moment.
SPEAKER_01At the moment in time, when they spill your coffee on purpose or they destroy something on purpose just to test your limits, they are assholes. Yeah. They are little shits. And that is okay. That is okay. Really? And we finally have silence.
SPEAKER_02Goodness gracious. It's like having our kid in the background. It got so much louder and then it turned off. Exactly. So sorry.
SPEAKER_01And that is what it's like having kids. Constant noise in the background.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then once it gets quiet, is when you worry. You freak out. And that's when you freak out even more. Because you're like, oh my god, peace and quiet. Wait a minute. It's too quiet. Why is it quiet? It's too quiet. What are you doing? Yep. And then you find them with marker all over them. Literally happened. Yes. Yeah. Oh my god. Yes. I caught her mid-riding on her belly. Face was already covered. Yep. Hands, arms were already covered. Just working down in the belly area. And I'm just like, oh my god, no. Why?
SPEAKER_02It got real quiet, and I was like, Yeah. I was like, wait a second. Where are you? Yep. Go into the playroom. She's like, over here. There you are. Like, what are you doing? She's like, nothing. I go over. She's I was like, what are you doing? And she's like, I don't know. And I was like, oh, Miss Gracious. I color, mommy. I color. I color. Not even mine had an existential crisis. She's like, I don't know. Oh no. Okay. She just woke up. You know? Yes. She's like, oh my gosh. What am I doing? Where am I?
SPEAKER_01It was actually wild. When your child realizes that they're human. Yeah. They wake up and they click and they're like, what am I doing? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I was like, you know you're not supposed to do that. She's like, I don't know. I don't know. Like, I just got it to me. All right. I just woke up and this was this is what looks like. Let's go take a bath in the middle of the day. Yeah. Literally, just probably like a couple months ago, it just happened. Yeah, she just she just woke up. That's what it is.
SPEAKER_01That was her brain being like, hey, you're alive. You're awake. Yeah. What's going on in the world?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, pretty much.
SPEAKER_01She's like, oh my gosh. Why my cover?
SPEAKER_02That was pretty wild. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_01Oh man.
SPEAKER_02Excuse me, I just yawned. How rude.
SPEAKER_01You're good. Um, I was yawning earlier.
SPEAKER_02It's okay, we're moms, we're good.
SPEAKER_01I just had a coffee.
SPEAKER_02You did. I didn't really just did.
SPEAKER_01I just had a black coffee. Just finished it. Hold on black coffee. Just finished my coffee. And I was yawning. And I was just like, oh, because caffeine does nothing for me anymore.
SPEAKER_02Me neither.
SPEAKER_01Never did. Caffeine's supposed to feel your parenthood and it just I just like the taste of it. Yeah, at this point. Yeah. At this point, I just like the taste of coffee because really it does caffeine does nothing for me. Nothing. Anyways. Tell me about it.
SPEAKER_02You ever had any mom guilt?
SPEAKER_01Oh, all the time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we do.
SPEAKER_01All of the time. I'm a full-time worker. Um, so I feel like I don't spend enough time with my kids, but I'm always with my kids. So like I wake up in the morning, get them ready, drop them off, take care of school, go to work, get out of work, pick them up, do dinner, do laundry, whatever, make them dinner and all that stuff. And then I have like a small window um to just like relax with them before bedtime. But there's only so many hours in the day. Right. Where I feel like I don't spend enough time with them, even though I'm with them all the time. Like I don't go out, I don't have time for myself. Um, so just knowing that the time that I'm not working, I'm with them, but I still feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. Yeah. And then I have my moments where like I, in a sense, kind of snap a little bit just because I, you know, like you're they're doing something that they shouldn't be doing, and like, hey, you can't be doing that. Right. And then you have to do the whole counting thing and all of that stuff. And then they obviously have a mental breakdown or they start, you know, throwing a tantrum and all that stuff. Like, you kind of discipline happens. Um, and I'm just like, I don't yell, but I sternly talk to my kids. Um, and then obviously I feel guilty immediately after, but I can't show them that, but I immediately feel guilty afterwards. Or when I'm laying down in bed after I put them to bed, and I'm just like, am I doing enough? Yeah, like am I am I doing enough for my kids? Yeah. Um, and also like I personally feel like I'm the strict parent because I have to do everything. Right. And the other parent is just the fun parent because when they're with the other parent, they're just, you know, hanging out and stuff like that. They don't, they're not, you know, necessarily like having to be like, here's your dinner, this is this, this is that, you have to do homework and all that stuff. Right, right. So I feel like I'm I'm in a sense the bad cop. And the their other parent is the good cop and the fun parent. And that just makes me feel like a little bit guilt. Yeah, yeah. It just makes me feel like shit. I'm just like not trying to be the bad cop. I just think I'm trying to I'm trying to keep you alive and and make you into a good human. Yeah. And you know, a good member of society, and not, you know, be an asshole when you're an adult. But to them, in their eyes, I'm just like the boring, mean parent. Yeah. Which is frustrating and also just I don't know. But yeah, usually at night when I go to bed, and I'm just like, did I do enough? I feel like I didn't do enough. I feel like I just should have handled this this way and this that way. And yes, so I do. I experience a lot, a lot of uh mom guilt.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, me too. Um a lot of it stems around um the like punishment, quote unquote punishment. Um, I don't yell either. I just might raise my voice to get their attention if they're doing something wrong, and then let them know what they're doing wrong. Yep. Um, but then um my three-year-old is uh has been doing this thing where she'll um kiss my hand. Okay, just randomly. Oh she'll just kiss my hand and I'm like, you're so sweet. But then she'll do something, and I'm like, ah stop being a bitch. And then like she'll like be upset that I scolded her or whatever. And then I'm like, ah yes. I think about the hand kiss, and I'm like, why did I yell at her? Yes. Or why did I tell her no?
SPEAKER_01Um they do the cute things and then they just go and they do something that they're not supposed to be doing, and then you feel guilty for yelling at them, you know. They were just showing you affection. But it's also like one of those things where like you are setting boundaries and you are, you know, disciplining them and making sure that they're good humans. Right. At the same time, you're like, I don't want to punish her or make her think that just because she showed me affection, I'm gonna give her punishment kind of situation. Right, right. Which in turn, I guess, I don't know, but guilt. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's it's tough because she'll do it to apologize too, and I don't want her to think that just doing that is gonna make everything okay. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um you're sorry, can only go so far.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So even if she does something wrong to like my sister or at my mom's or um my sister-in-law's, anything like that, I'm like, um, if I tell her to say sorry to my to her aunt, to my sister, and my sister says it's okay, blah blah blah, and I'm like, no, no, no. You say thank you for the apology, but it's not okay.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_02Um just so that she knows, yeah. Like what you did is not okay. Thank you for apologizing. Um that's what I'm trying to instill. Um, she's pretty well behaved for the most part. Yeah. Um they're just learning what they can and cannot get away with, as pretty much testing, testing their limits as much as possible. Sometimes she wants to do something so bad she won't even hear me, I feel. Because like if there's there's puddles outside today, and um, I'm like, okay, don't go to the puddle. And she's just staring at it. She'll walk into it. She'll walk into it. I was like, hey, what did I just say right now? I'm literally staring at you. Like, all I heard was puddle, mom. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Puddle where I'm in a trance.
SPEAKER_02And I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna like yell you or anything because you're obviously just literally coaxed into the puddle by the puddle. But yeah. It it it the guilt creeps in sometimes. Yeah, for sure. For sure, for sure. It's not terrible. I like being a mom. Oh yeah, me too. I've always wanted to be a mom. I was a later mom.
SPEAKER_01Debatable.
SPEAKER_02I was 29.
SPEAKER_01Listen, being honest, love my children so so so much. Did I always want to be a mom? No, but I love my children. Yeah, and that is okay, guys. Not all kids are planned. Absolutely. Um mine were okay.
SPEAKER_02If I come out with another, that was not. Future kid, if you're in there, if you're out there. So sorry, just letting you know.
SPEAKER_01Oh man. Yeah, no. No more kids for this, mama. Yeah, I'm done. Done having kids.
SPEAKER_02I had cholestasis with my last pregnancy, which is a liver disease in pregnancy. That was rough.
SPEAKER_01I almost died in my last two.
SPEAKER_02So, you know, we've been through a lot. We have been through the ringer here. I'm done. Um, yeah, it's um, yeah, it's pretty wild. Yeah. And obviously, we said mom guilt, we like being moms, but this pertains to all parents. There could be like parent guilt, there could be dad guilt, there could be um dad, single dads out there. Um yeah, yeah. I know one. He's great. Yeah, he's great.
SPEAKER_01This can go for like your foster child as well.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Your adoptive child as well. Um your your fur babies as well. Literally, I have to catch because they're just as chaotic, terrible. Um, love them. Terrible as kids, they are just as chaotic. So if you're a parent of literally any kind, you will go through guilt, and that is totally fine. Yeah, it's just you know the perk of having the label of being a parent. Truly, truly, it's a perk. Oh, for sure. Oh, oh, okay. You officially have the title, and it just happens.
SPEAKER_02Um, do you have any final advice?
SPEAKER_01Um new parents. Don't get pregnant. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
SPEAKER_02Um if you do try and plan it.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Um, honestly, take every milestone um and cherish it so much, especially for first-time parents. Um, it goes by so fast.
SPEAKER_02Yes, you hear that a lot.
SPEAKER_01You blink and you truly don't realize it. You blink and you miss it because I just had a baby and now they're two, and it happens so fast. Um, so cherish every single moment. Um remember that if you are going through this with a partner, that you guys are a partnership. Um, because kids can really make or break uh a lot of relationships. Um, so just really you do the best you can to support one another. I mean, there is postpartum pressure for dads as well. Um, so please just be there for one another. If you're doing it alone, try to find your village. I know it's easier said than done. Um, but do your best to find your village because it does help at the end of it all. Um I have my mini village, which does help. I didn't for a very long time, but now I do. Um, but yeah, honestly, just enjoy the ride. Make as many memories as you possibly can. Do your best in raising your child. There's literally no handbook. You can read as many baby books as you possibly can, and none of them will prepare you for a specific situation that you're gonna go through. Truly, it just will not. There is literally no book to be a parent at all. You just wing it and do the best that you can. Yeah, honestly. But just enjoy it. Enjoy every single moment. It happens very fast.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it really does. I I've heard that I heard that so many times growing up, when I was pregnant, before I was pregnant, um, that it just flies by and truly didn't understand the gravity of it until it was happening. Yeah, in the moment. Um, because now I have a three-year-old, and yeah, it's six months seems like a short amount of time, but it flew it flew by. It really, truly did.
SPEAKER_01It flies, it flies by so fast.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I have a New Year's baby, yeah. So literally from New Year's so now. Well it's really January 1st. Yeah. So truly, take every moment as it comes. Patience is really the key with kids. Um, as much as you can muster. Um, it's okay to get upset, just uh learn how to handle it. Yeah, give yourself your own anger, your own stress. Um if you need to. If it's a baby baby, put the baby down, put the baby down, put the baby down. Yeah, please. For your own. If they're not rolling around yet, put them on your bed, put the baby down and step away from the room.
SPEAKER_01Walk away. Walk away, go to the bathroom, just put the baby down, take a minute, yeah, breathe, collect yourself, and then go back to it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Truly a few minutes can change a lot.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And if you're still not coming down from it, call. Yes, call someone for help. It's very important that you do. Yeah. And that goes to dads as well. Yes, a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And if you feel like you're struggling with some sort of postpartum something, ask for help.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02Ask anybody for help. You're not doing anything wrong. Nope. You're not a bad parent, you're just struggling, and that's normal. As crazy as it is.
SPEAKER_01I know.
SPEAKER_02It's normal. Unfortunately.
SPEAKER_01As fucked up as that is, it's 100% normal. Um, reach out to a friend. Um, talk to you know, another parent if you can. Um, if not, you can always call crisis. They're literally there to help you in any way, shape, or form. Um, you can always always call your midwives as well if you have one or your OB. They also have um um nurses on hand that will help you with your your episode and stuff. So, but yeah. Do your best.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And just know that you are amazing and doing everything that you possibly can. Look at the kids back. Yeah. Checking us back into reality.
SPEAKER_02Oh my goodness. Well, thank you so much for listening to this episode. Um, I hope if you're currently pregnant, good luck. Yes. You're probably beautiful, glowing, amazing. Um, if you have a partner that's pregnant, good luck. You're probably tired and exhausted. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, adopting or anything like that. Um good luck. Good luck. Congratulations. Or if you're waiting to hear back, we're sending you positive vibes and careers all of the time. Um, but yeah, that's honestly do your best.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Do that's all you can do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm gonna talk down here because um the noise, the child in the room. Uh, thanks so much. And um, you guys are great. Everyone's great. Yeah, everyone's doing a great job.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Um, but yeah, um send us your stories if you have any stories, any fun parenting stories or pregnancy stories. Um, and honestly, just you know, we're gonna put out post up um so we can just have different stories and support um in this chaotic world that we call parenthood. Um, but yeah, you can find us on Instagram and TikTok at TwoGirlsComchannel, or also on threads. Um, but yeah, just keep on kipping on, guys.
SPEAKER_02Truly.
SPEAKER_01Truly, really, all we can do. Again, we are just two millennial moms trying our best to you know parent our own kids, and hopefully our stories helped you feel a little bit more sane in your own parenthood um journey. And um, again, we're not professionals, so please don't listen to it. Nowhere near it. No, just take it with a grain of salt. Yeah, but also, you know, thank you for listening. Yes, thank you. Until next time. Bye bye. Bye.