Twogirlsnochill
Welcome to Two Girls, No Chill - The podcast with no plan, no filter, and honestly... No self-control.
This what happens when you give two chaotic besties a couple mics and let them say whatever they want. It's unfiltered, unpredictable, and just the right amount of messy.
So, buckle up ... because we have absolutely no chill.
Twogirlsnochill
Mental Health
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Content Warning: This episode contains discussions about mental health, abuse of all kinds, and other topics that some listeners may find difficult. Please listen with care, and if you need to, feel free to skip this episode. Your well-being comes first.
Welcome back to Two Girls, No Chill.
This week’s episode is a little bit different. We’re having an honest conversation about mental health—our own experiences, why it’s so important to take care of ourselves, and why asking for help is NEVER something to be ashamed of.
Thank you for continuing to support us week after week. We appreciate every single one of you. ❤️ If you’re struggling right now, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. We’ve included some mental health resources below if you need them.
Take care of yourselves, be kind to one another, and remember to show yourselves the same kindness you so freely give to everyone else.
We love you all. ❤️
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
1-800-662-HELP (4357)
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a live volunteer Crisis Counselor.
https://www.crisistextline.org/
At the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, we understand that life's challenges can sometimes be difficult. Whether you're facing mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, or just need someone to talk to, our caring counselors are here for you. You are not alone.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service
Hours: 24/7
Call 800-799-7233 | Text BEGIN to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence
There we go. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay. All good, all good. Hi.
unknownHi.
SPEAKER_01Hello.
SPEAKER_02Welcome.
SPEAKER_01Welcome. Welcome.
SPEAKER_02It's not an evil episode. No. It's not a scary episode. Well, it's a little scary. In a different way.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_02Um, welcome back to Two Girls No Chill. Um, the podcast that has no filter, no chill, no plan, no nothing. Um sometimes we have a little bit of a plan. Sometimes um, I'm Sarah. I'm Chamel. And today's episode is about mental health because that's important to talk about. And we're mentally fucked, so crazy up in here. Kind of.
SPEAKER_01I had a mental breakdown before we started recording. Just a little prep. A little prep prep. Um cry. Totally good. There's gonna be a lot of um crying, probably on my end, because I can already feel it. Um but yeah, we're just gonna be raw, vulnerable, and just real with you guys. No filter as usual, but yes, it's just gonna be a little bit more deeper this time around. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm a touch more stable today, so I think I'll be okay.
SPEAKER_01I'm not stable today. So we're switching roles to the stable. Yeah, usually I'm the one that's very unstable. And I'm the one that's comical and collected, but I for some reason can't keep my shit together. Oh just because it's a very sensitive topic. Um, but please keep in mind we are not professionals, we're just sharing our stories, our opinions, um, our experiences, just to kind of help end the stigma of mental health and all the negativity that is around it. And we just want to have better conversations and make everyone feel comfortable about talking about their feelings. Yes, because it's not a bad thing. Sometimes you just need to let it out. Yeah. And it's hard. So ask for help.
SPEAKER_02Yes, please do when you need it.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Um, there's gonna be a lot of trigger warnings. Um, yeah. Again, just one big one in the beginning here. Yeah, very big trigger warning. There's gonna be a lot of talks of a lot of mental abuse, uh, physical, mental, um sexual abuse, literally all of it. Um so if you don't feel comfortable or you're not in the right headspace to listen, skip this entire episode. Yeah, we're just letting you know now. This is gonna be heavy. Um and we just want to make sure that you feel comfortable before going into the episode. And if you are not ready, skip to the next one. Or normal ones. Yeah, or watch the other ones. Um, but yeah. Okay. God, I'm not ready. I might have to shut these off. Uh these are loud headphones, guys. I know they're very, very good headphones. Okay. Not a sponsor, but they're so good.
SPEAKER_02Um, that should be good, actually. I don't even hear us anymore, so cool. I didn't turn it off either, so that should be good. Cool. Okay. So uh quickly at the top of the episode. Obviously, if you're going through anything, please call any crisis hotlines that you know of. Um, I know the the main one is like 988. Um, so please feel free to reach out if you need. Um, if you need help, ask for help.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And we'll have all of these um listed in the show notes as well. If you need to, you know, get any help or any assistance. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so um, we kind of touched on how we're feeling today. I'm a touch, I'm a touch more stable. I don't know why, but I am.
SPEAKER_01Um and you're I'm a mess. I wasn't gonna say that. I'm a mess. Listen, it's been one hell of a year and it's only July. But I've had one hell of a five years. Or or many, many, many, many years. And I always tell myself, this is gonna be my year, it's gonna be better. Spoiler alert, it never is.
SPEAKER_02So it tends to be harder than before the better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still, you know, whiting, whiting. I'm still whiting. I'm still riding the wave of chaos and yeah, that's that's yeah. Yep. We're pushing through.
SPEAKER_02Yes, yes, that's all I can do right now. Um, so mental health, um, to me, I guess, is just how your mind, how you take care of your mind, um, or how your mind reacts to your surroundings, I guess. Um, because sometimes you can take care of your own mind as easily as you might hope or want or think. Um, so it could be very tough. It has been very tough. Um, just trying to figure out what's going on up in here is a little it's a little tough. Um, but yeah, what is what does it mean to you?
SPEAKER_01Um, personally, mental health. Um, I always thought it was more so getting the help that you need to kind of situate your yourself so that way you're not as fucked up in the head in a sense. Um just kind of like making sure you take care of how your brain works and it's functioning and not so dark and gloomy all of the time. Um, I try to take care of my mental, but I feel like a lot of people think mental health means like, oh, you have your shit together. Like if you have good mental health, like you're fine, you have your shit together. No, not at all. Because you can go to therapy like four times a week and still be not okay. Um, so I always had that in the back of my head, like, oh, you know, mental health, yeah, you're fine, whatever. But deep down, as you get older and you realize no, everyone's a little fucked up, and just some people wear their masks better than others, and their I'm finds are a little bit more believable than others. Um, but deep down you truly just don't know what someone's fighting or you know what demons they're battling internally.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, absolutely. You can never judge a book by its cover for any reason. Um, but especially mental health because it's like somebody could be outwardly totally fine, inwardly just be collapsing exactly. Um yeah, let's dive into our journey. Oh god, I'll go first. Mine is mine is just um maybe like seven eight years ago at this point. I had my first ever panic attack. Um, well, that I could pinpoint. Um learning what I've learned through the years and knowing what I know my panic attacks kind of come up as. I I realized that in high school I probably had some that I didn't realize were panic attacks. Um, but about eight years ago was the first time I like really pinpointed that it was happening. Um and then from then on, they were pretty frequent for a while. And then I kind of learned some different ways to get through them, like the breathing, the um 54321 method. Um kind of distracting my mind, telling myself I'd be okay. Um, there were some really bad ones that I I was really panicked because of the panic. Um, because mine manifests physically mostly. So the really bad ones are I my chest feels like it's about to explode and I can't breathe. Um, heart palpitations, dizzy, shaky. Um, and then if it's really, really, really bad, I my eyes start getting kind of foggy and almost like pass out a little bit. Um, but I've only had like less than five of those really, really bad ones, thankfully. Um and I can say I can't remember my last panic attack. Okay, like like full-blown panic attack. I've had panic because of sugar before, um, like coffee, unfortunately. But I love coffee. Um that caffeine will do it to you, but um, but a really true like panic attack. I have I can't remember the last one I had. Um and so that that and anxiety disorder, I do have depression, um, but it in a different way than like what is stereotyped depression?
SPEAKER_01I guess while we're talking, yes, so we can break the stereotypes.
SPEAKER_02Yes, because when you think depression when you're younger, it's like sad, um, just mopey all day, lazy, don't want to do anything, in the dark, things like that. But I'm a very happy person, I'm very upbeat, I'm very um open. So I'm like, okay, that's not what I would think is depression. And my doctor said, that makes sense because depression comes in many flavors. He literally said flavors, not just vanilla. Wink wink. I think mine's like cookie dough or something. Um, but yeah, it could it can manifest as anything, really, um, truly. Um, I think mine is technically paired back to another mental illness that I don't know of yet. Um, so we'll see. I don't know. Trying to get to the bottom of it. You're getting there. Yeah. I'm in therapy now. Yeah. Had my first therapy session Monday, which was two days ago. Um, and that went well. So we'll see. Let's check back in in like a month or two and see if I'm on some medication for my undiagnosed ADHD. Maybe I'll be diagnosed by then.
SPEAKER_01Hopefully. I think we should do check-ins with literally all of you. With everyone. I feel like check-ins are definitely a must for sure. Um, I I that's my journey.
SPEAKER_02It wasn't very long. I'm pretty sure I was a little fucked up when I was younger, but I again I don't I didn't know it at the time. But I definitely had panic in high school.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, and I have trichotillomania, which is a pulling. Um, I pull my eyelashes, just my top lashes. My bottom lashes are luscious and full.
SPEAKER_01That's what I was gonna say. Like long, full, luscious bottom lashes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02My daughter has these beautiful, beautiful long eyelashes. Um, which she gets for me, just wouldn't know it because I pull them out. Yeah, unfortunately. Um, but also trying to get to the bottom of that. So we'll see. We'll get there. Yeah, we'll get there. We'll get there. But I've had that for I've had that since high school. Chico to a million yeah, yeah, it's been a while.
SPEAKER_01To mask it, yeah. I mean, it's do what you gotta do to kind of you know help yourself out trying to be normal. Oh yeah, I would be doing the same thing. Yes, um that's my journey. Oh geez, my journey. My journey started when I was nine. Um, I had something very bad happen to me. Um that I I'm not ready to talk about. Um, but no one knows it. Anyways, um, but yeah, I had something really bad happen to me when I was nine, um, and it kept happening until I was 18. Um I'm not gonna cry. You can if you need to. No, okay, no, don't do it. Um and oh god. It's okay. Take a second. Like I said, I'm a mess. I got this. I can do this.
SPEAKER_02Take a second, breathe, breathe in the boogies, breathe in all the scots.
SPEAKER_01See, laughter is the best medicine, guys.
SPEAKER_02So is oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Um, but yeah, that kind of like spiraled into all of my bad mental health because I just didn't know how to properly deal with it in a sense. I mean, I was a child. Um, so in high school, I would um I would cut myself, I would hurt myself in any possible way. Um, I had a lot of darker thoughts. I mean, I still have them, just not as suicidal as it did when I was in high school. I did commit twice or attempted. Obviously, I'm still here, so I didn't, you know, no successful tries. Um, but I did try twice um in high school. And I also kind of like the bullying that we talked about in the previous episode kind of goes hand in hand. You know what I mean? Um, so I just had a really fucked up childhood that kind of just fucked up my mental health. Have I gotten any help? No. Have I seen a therapist? No. Should I? Probably. Probably. So I'm gonna force her. Um, but yeah, I uh I've dealt with a lot of mental battles and I'm not suicidal anymore, and I haven't been for years. I think um the last time I had a suicidal thought, I was like 16, 17. Um, I moved out at 18. So that really helped. Um, but I still have like those occasional thoughts, like, you know, and I'm sure I'm not the only one that's had these thoughts. But when you're driving and you're just like, what if I just like crash into that pole? You know what I mean? Or like, what would happen if I get into like a really bad car accident? Or, you know, like those thoughts of like it always, it's always when I'm driving, never anything else, but always when I'm driving. And I'm like on the freeway, and you know, like you see like the divider pieces on the freeway. You're just like, what if I just go head on to that? You know what I mean? So I still have those thoughts, but not like I guess they're intrusive thoughts, but I don't let them obviously come to light. Um, because I love my children very much, and I don't want to leave them alone in this earth because I love them too much to leave them alone. Um, so I can't be that selfish, but uh I yeah, I've uh so ever since, in a sense, my childhood trauma and all that stuff, I've had a hard time with relationships um and kind of like holding on to what I can, even though I knew it was deep down, it was toxic and not good. Um and I just didn't know how to let go because I didn't truly have love growing up. Um so I think that's why I'm so mentally fucked up. Um, and my mental health journey is still going. I'm doing better. I used to absolutely hate the way I look. This year has gotten a lot better. I never thought myself as beautiful or anything like that. I thought I was the ugliest person in the world. Doing better now. Um, much better this year. Um, but yeah, I I've had a very long journey and it's still going. And I think it'll continue to go till the day I die. Um, but yeah, I think just accepting being treated like shit, uh-huh, being physically abused, verbally abused, sexually abused, all of those things um really formed me to who I am today, which is not bad. I'm a pretty good person. You're pretty great. I mean, I'm not a murderer, you know, that could have been an option, but I'm not. Um, but yeah, and you know, this year a lot of people are showing me that I am very much loved by all of them. Um, and then the ones that treated me like shit are continuing to show me that they're gonna keep treating me like shit. So And that's a them problem. That's a them problem, and not a me problem. Just so we're clear. And that is something that I'm learning to accept. So I am growing slowly. But my yeah, my journey has been long and it's been a lot. And it'll keep going. Yes, for sure.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I don't think unfortunately there's no cure for some things.
SPEAKER_01Sadly. Unfortunately, no, there is not.
SPEAKER_02Um, but since there's no cure, um, what are some things that help?
SPEAKER_01Um I'm trying to think. Um oh yeah, I do have anxiety and depression. Um, some panic attacks, not a whole lot, but more so anxiety. Um I try to just journal as much as I possibly can, especially on my bad days. If I have something that's really fucking with my head, I'll either call you um and I'll cry with you on the phone, or um, or I'll write it out, or I just drown myself in music and just literally cry it out. Or I will literally cry in the shower. Oh, it is I love doing that. Oh my god. It is therapy and also I have so many tattoos for that reason. It gives me that feeling of cutting myself but not hurting myself, not unhealthy. Yes, exactly. Like I the pain helps, oddly enough. Um, so that's why tattoos are my therapy as well. But crying in the shower is a whole other level of like it's like I it's hard to explain.
SPEAKER_00Yes, you just have to do it. Like, honestly, it's just even if you feel like you're mentally healthy, just do it.
SPEAKER_01Try it out. Yeah, on like a really, really sad day and you don't know why you're sad, go into the shower. Sit in the shower, let the water just hit you and just fucking let it out. Scream if you have to, cry if you have to, whatever. Just let it out. It is so helpful. I love doing that. That's another thing. Yeah, that's a really, really good, helpful thing. If not, I also like to read a lot. Um, it kind of just takes my mind somewhere else because I can um I can see everything in my head, like a story when I read. So that just brings me into a whole other world and lets me forget what I'm dealing with in the process. Um, but yeah. And coloring. And I'm coloring. There's so much. I'm drawing, I'm an artist, I do a lot. I try to I try to pick and choose the little things that I can do at that time and just use it to help me kind of stabilize my emotions. Yeah. No meds.
SPEAKER_02I should probably see a doctor. We'll get there.
SPEAKER_00I'll I'll make it happen. Wait till the next weekend. Laughter. Doing this podcast helps so much. It's so good. It's so good.
SPEAKER_01Because these are our conversations on like all the time daily. Just recording it and having you guys talk to us and us talk to you. It's great. It's so nice getting feedback from y'all. Like it's it feels really good. Yeah, just knowing that we're not crazy, yeah, and you guys enjoy us, yeah. Um, and our banter, it honestly helps. It's like another form of therapy as well. Yeah, for sure. It's so fun.
SPEAKER_02Um, I do similar things. I I like to journal, I like to color, I like to draw. Um, not as good as you, but I like doing it. Um, but I'm also I have such a lack of focus that I will start one thing and not finish it. That's called ADHD, sweetie. Well, you know, it's okay.
SPEAKER_01We're both diagnosed with it. Diagnosed, but not diagnosed. We're undiagnosing, diagnosed in a sense, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, so it's a little tougher for me. I like fidget things. Um, I got this fidget ring from her. Um, it helps immensely. Like, I did not Realize how many times I have to fidget with my fingers. Like it's I do it probably every second of every day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm always like doing this with my hands or like trying to crack my fingers or I'm something. I have to be doing something. It reminds me. I was on which is why my chair is never still always swinging. I have to move all the time.
SPEAKER_02I was um on Zoom with my therapist on uh two days ago. That's just probably like you need to stop. I was moving so much. I was like, I was like with the phone, I'm holding it and my arms are going everywhere, looking everywhere. I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah, she's gonna think I'm crazy. Yeah, she's probably gonna be like, I know what that is.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no day. I'm gonna write that down, but we're not gonna bring it up just yet.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, she hasn't said it. We'll put that in my back pocket. Um, but yeah, I I need these fidget things because I pull my lashes so often. Um I haven't pulled I pulled last night for like two minutes. Two minutes is too long, but continue I know, but it's better than an hour or like fully stripping my my lids. Um and I was talking to my therapist about it, and she was like, Do you when you realize it's happening, can you stop it? And I was like, ugh, sometimes. Um sometimes I will stop and like consciously try and make an effort to not continue. Sometimes I can't stop. It's very it's it perform above C D, so it's it's super I can't, I just can't. Um sometimes I'll give myself an like a condition like if you pull one out, you're done. Because I don't always pull, yeah, pull them out. It's just like playing with it. It's just the the act of pulling, and it hurts and it's embarrassing. And it's raining, it's pouring outside.
SPEAKER_01I wonder if they can hear that. That's kind of cool. Wait, hold on, let's go. Give it a minute.
SPEAKER_02I don't know if you can. Yeah, it doesn't look like there's any waves happening on the recording.
SPEAKER_01But we'll see. Yeah, we'll see. Honestly, it sounds like you probably can. Sounds beautiful. I love it. I love the ring. I mean too. That's another form. Yeah, therapy for me. We should run out there. Literally running. Give us a second. No, no. It's okay. We come back in, we're just so drenched.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah. So it's like it's embarrassing, it hurts, it doesn't feel good, it's just something I can't control. Um, so yeah. So I've been I journaled it. I wrote down the time when it happened, what was going through my mind, which is nothing because I was watching TikToks. I was just scrolling TikTok. Do you scroll? Um, but yeah, that's what my therapist said to like journal it happening and like what's going on, the environment, what's happening. Um, just to try and pinpoint like if there's a pattern or if there's a certain stressor that brings it on. Um, but I haven't been pulling that often. Okay. Um, not that I have a lot left to pull, anyways. But um, yeah. And I've never been fully completely bare like I was in high school. I was really bad in high school. Yeah. Um, and I think that's just because of bullying and stress from school itself, and yeah, I was just so quiet that I was like scared of school. Um, actually, I probably had like close to 50 absences one year because I would be like, I'm sick, I can't go. My mom's like, you're going to school, and we would get to the school and I won't get out of the car. So she's like, Oh my god. Okay, but I'm gonna bring you back home. But yeah, it was bad. Um, I almost stayed back because of it. Like, it was really bad. But um, yeah, I mean, fidget toys help a lot. My sister keeps getting them for Lila, and I just keep stealing them. I have to keep one in my car. I like the times, yeah. I have to keep one in my car. My car, my purse, yes, my pocket when they leave the house.
SPEAKER_01I have one in my purse, I have one in my car. Um, and then uh my kids have a bunch of them lying around, so I usually play with those, but I have to be doing something with my hands in the car. I have to. Yeah. It's just you're doing it now. I'm always twirling the screen. It's fine.
SPEAKER_02It's it's pretty self-conscious too. I don't realize I'm doing it. So maybe that's why you pull your lashes because you don't realize you're even doing it. Uh yeah, sometimes it does. It just happens. Sometimes it just happens. And I tell people, like, if you see me pulling my lashes, obviously like my family, Chris. Um I'll smack the shit out of you. Yeah, but tell me. Just tell me because I'm embarrassed by it. I don't want to do it. So if you tell me, I will be embarrassed to the point of I will stop.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I don't do it when I mean I do it a lot at night. That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, you do it like in the comfort of yeah, maybe it's just like a comfort thing for you at this point. Cause like I'm not even trying to be your therapist or anything. I mean, but it honestly it could be like a form of comfort because you probably because you did it a lot in high school because you were a lot like that. And it kind of gave you some sort of comfort because you can control that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, like that's still I think it's a form of um self-harm because it hurts. It doesn't matter. Oh, for sure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um I just never learned how to stop.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01And I think you're just so you're just so desensitized by it that you're just like, whatever, and you just go and you just I feel like you've bled before. Girl. You know what? I can't even talk shit because I literally met myself. But from your eyes. It's such a weird, yeah. I know that is a weird, a weird spot, but I mean, hey, we all have our. I'm actually very grateful. It's not like my scalp hair. That's what I was gonna say. I'm I am like imagining you said just you just pick at the top of your you give yourself little bald spots. I would cry every day.
SPEAKER_02I love my hair. I cut it short. I can I could probably even do like a pixie, but guys, I just need something.
SPEAKER_01One of these days you're gonna see me with a buzz cut. Just know I am not okay. Or maybe you're really okay. Or maybe I was really okay, and I just needed to free myself from everything. Maybe that's well, hair holds trauma. Honestly. That's what they say. Which is why I chopped off my hair at the beginning of the year. Yeah. And I've been doing a lot better this year. Yeah, I need a good chop. I literally had my hair, I had my hair down my back almost to my butt, and then I just chopped it off. Yeah. I was just like, I need to let this go. And I did. And I've been having a good year, but I still I miss my hair. I miss my hair. Um, but here I am talking about shaving it off and just getting my butt cut.
SPEAKER_02I miss it. Get it off of me.
SPEAKER_01I miss it, but let me just put myself bald and just wear wigs. I can change my hair color whenever I want. Yeah, but you don't need to shave your hair to wear wigs. Just start wearing wigs. Yeah, but then you know, dealing with the hair and putting it in a wig cap and just kind of like picking it up. You know, it's too much work. Just put it in a protective style. Um, I have to actually put it in a protective style. I have to do the process of putting it in a protective style. If I just shave my head, skip a whole skip a whole step. That's true. Skip a whole step. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. Ugh, thinking about it, I probably won't do it. Honestly.
SPEAKER_02Um what are what are some triggers for a bad mental health day?
SPEAKER_01Um like for me, it's a lot of financial stuff. I'm always financially stressed. Um sometimes it just like I don't know if you have those days where you just like you're literally mind your own business and then just the thought pops into your head. And you're just like, mmm. Slightly the worst. Yeah, that happens a lot. Yeah. Sometimes you just forget, or there's times where like I see people from my past and they bring up all of these emotions and all of these thoughts. Or sometimes they'll be like, oh my god, remember this. And I was like, No, I tried so hard to block that out. And now it's in the front of my brain. Yeah. Um, I'll a lot sometimes, depending on some movies, kind of trigger. Um like, oh my god, what was it, baby brain deer or whatever the hell that was? That fucked me up. I didn't even see it. Just knowing what it was really triggered me hard. Um, so I was just like, I cannot see this movie. Yeah, um, and then if I like overworked myself, I used to have two jobs and full-time parents, single parent, two jobs, full-time single mom, and dealing with you know all of it, I would burn out really, really bad, and then that would just cause me to spiral. Um, and I would just isolate myself and just not want to do anything. Um, so yeah, just overworking myself, uh kind of like some videos, some songs, um having people just bring up a random, and it could be like a very positive thought, but knowing that there is a negative attached to it, nobody knew, but I did. So knowing that like it can be like a very positive time, and then I think about that time, and then I think like, oh, it just spirals into like the negative that was also happening during the positive, it's just I internally kept it to myself, yeah, kind of just gets me to to spiral out in a sense.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that makes sense, yeah. Yeah, for me, it's a lot of just this those random memories that pop into your head. Um, or or Facebook memories, yes, hate 'em. Me too.
SPEAKER_01Stop giving them to me, please. Me too. I can't stand them. Sometimes I'm just like, oh my god, my baby was so whittle. And then I say something else, like, what the fuck? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Like, I'll be talking about something like traumatic on Facebook for some reason we would put it to Facebook everything.
SPEAKER_01We're millennial, we're millennials. Why would everything we were feeling on Facebook? Why? Because that was our MySpace, and we would literally put everything we were feeling. So then literally.
SPEAKER_02So yeah, then it comes up, and I'm like, what the f why?
SPEAKER_01Like, why was I thinking about this 13 years ago? What the fuck? Literally 13 years ago. I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm like, oh my god, I was so fucking dramatic. But then it like a trick or something in your brain. You're just like, shit, now I know why I was so dramatic. Yep.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, oh, no, it makes sense. Yeah, that happened. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And then like, I feel like I I used to block things out. Like, yeah, in the past, like, I remember talking to a friend. Um, I only I talked to him periodically here and there. Um, sometimes we catch up. Um, and I remember one time I was like, we met in college, right? And he's like, mmm, no. But I was like, wait, are you sure? When did we meet? Um, because then I thought back on it, and I remember literally crying on the phone to him because I was having such a hard time in that moment in life. And I I still don't remember when I met him or how I met him. Yeah. But I just remember it being such a tough time that I literally remember I couldn't breathe. I was sobbing my eyes out to him. Such a nice guy. Stand on the phone with me. Just listen. Listen to me talk about another guy. King energy. We love that. Um, God, that was like 15 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Sometimes you just have to like block block it out. Yeah. That's probably what I was like. It's like, oh, we're just gonna put that one in the vault. All the way back there in the back of my brain. Yeah. Don't want to even think about it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So he claims that we met on a dating site. I don't believe him. But you know what? With your track record of dating sites, maybe I'm not surprised. I highly doubt it, but it but it's possible. I swear I don't remember. And he listens to our podcast, so hi.
SPEAKER_01Oh, hi. We love your king energy. He's gonna love that.
SPEAKER_02Um, yeah. So, I mean, I feel like it blocked a lot of things out in my past. Um, and then the memories hit, and I'm like, oh, I remember I can pinpoint that one little thing that happened at that time. Um I remember something bad happened with someone, and they showed up at my house one time during my baby shower. Did I tell you about that? No, did you not see my face? I'm just like, I feel like it did. I feel like it did. Maybe I didn't. But it was for um, no, not my baby shower. It was for I think Lilo's first birthday. Um, one of Chris's friends brought this friend and he was in my kitchen and I was in the dining room. And then I went to the kitchen for something, and I was like, huh. Turned around. Yeah, I was there. I turned around and I told Selena because she was there during the time of everything happening. Everything just clicked into place just now. Yeah. Yes. And I was like, oh, that guy could never come back into my house. Yes. And I told Chris what happened, and he was like, Yeah, say no more. I don't even want to hear about it because he does not like hearing me uh in pain or anything that I've gone through that causes me pain, or something somebody else gave me like pain or anything like that. He will flip his lid, he will beat the shit out of somebody if you really wanted to. Um, so I knew I couldn't go into further detail. Yeah, yeah. I told him what happened. I'm gonna go into detail, but um, yeah, he was like, I could just tell he was like stewing.
SPEAKER_01I got it. And he's probably like, that motherfucker was in my house, and I didn't know about this shit. And I played along and I was fine, and I was cool with him.
SPEAKER_00I think he knew I think he knew.
SPEAKER_01I gave him a drink, and this motherfucker was in my house.
SPEAKER_00Excuse me? Yeah, I think we were turning the second you said something. Yeah, I was like, hey Lindsay, I gotta tell you something.
SPEAKER_02That one guy, I said his name because he knows him. He's like, Yeah. And I was like, who brought him here, first of all? Um, and then he's like, Oh, I think so-and-so-and-so did. And I was like, Okay, they can never come here again. So-and-so can, because he's been a friend for forever, even my friend, so yeah. But I was like, that guy?
SPEAKER_01No. And this is why.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So, like, yeah, seeing people like that, terrifying. I'm terrified to see the ghost. My ghost in the past.
SPEAKER_01Yes, no, I know what you mean.
SPEAKER_02Um so I haven't seen him in a decade, probably. That's fine. But I'm like, keep it at that point. I'm so glad I don't go to the mall very often because I feel like that would be the place I would see. That would be the place, yeah. You'd be walking down and you just see it. Well, oh, turn around. My whole body would shut down. Your fight or flight would just shut down. Yeah. I'd probably freeze. Like I tend to do. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Oh my goodness gracious. We're doing great. We're doing great, guys. We're doing so good. We're doing great. We're doing so good. We're laughing. Yes. That helps. Honestly, laughter is the best medicine. So we're talking talking about things, and we aren't talking about things. And as you can see, I'm feeling better. Yes. Because I was an emotional mess. I was scared, honestly.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I was like, are we ready to record? And she wouldn't get up.
SPEAKER_01I I could not. I literally could not get up. I was like, do you want me to press record? Oh, my oh my god. I was battling in my head so much. And I was just like, I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry. I fucking did anyways, but I'm like, that's okay.
SPEAKER_02It's okay to cry, it's okay to not be okay, um, it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be happy, even if others are sad. Yes. Um, and it's okay not to know what to do, just seek help. Yes. Or ask.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02I've even like messaged strangers before, and I'm like, hey, I'm here to listen if you ever need anything. Like um, TikTokers that I've seen that are like crying online. I'm like, you don't owe me, but maybe that's what you need. Yeah. A stranger.
SPEAKER_01If you need a vent, I am here to listen.
SPEAKER_02I won't even reply if you don't need me to.
SPEAKER_01Honestly. So, like, if you guys are dealing with something right now, um, and you just need to let it out, literally email us or send us a message. Yeah. And if you don't want us to reply, totally fine. Just let us know. Like, just want to vent, you don't have to respond, but I'm just gonna let it all out. R inbox is the safe space for you. Yes. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02A lot of times I'm like, do you need advice? Yeah, no, or do you want to just advent? Yes, go for it.
SPEAKER_01Yep, and we're just here to listen. Um, we are here to supply a listening ear and give you know some advice if you need it and if you want it. If not, we're just here for you. We're wise, wise beings.
SPEAKER_02So wise. We've gone through a lot.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, yes. We I feel so old. I do too. I do too. We've we've dealt with a lot in our old age.
SPEAKER_02We're so old. Um, I'm probably 95 at this point.
SPEAKER_01Honestly, same.
SPEAKER_02Maybe just a little older. Oh man. Yeah. Therapy for me every Monday. Therapy coming up for her as soon as I get her to do it. Um, we'll get there. We'll get there. Eventually. Oh, I'm also on medication. Not currently. Um, I'll share it with you. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. For legal reasons, I'm kidding. JK. Or mine. JK. I need them actually. Yes, please. You do. Um, off of them, I'm the most emotional wreck you'll ever see. Yes. Um, on them, I'm pretty stoic. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Not in a bad way though. We want to see um reminders of him. Tears. Yeah. Tears over here on my end. Sarah, just I almost did. That's so sad. I was close.
SPEAKER_00She's like, that's so sad. But I was medicated.
SPEAKER_01But just chill. Chill. She admitted that it was sad, but just chill. Meanwhile, I'm like, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. It's so sad. And then cut to when I'm not on medication. Um I'm just like, that was so sad.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I can't. Coco came out after my grandma passed. I watched Coco before before my grandmother passed away, and I was chill. Very, still very sad movie. After my grandmother passed away, I cannot. I watched it once because my child wanted to watch it. I I broke. Broke. Like I was inconsolable. I broke so bad. I just can't. Pixar will do it to you. I cannot. Another one that really got to me was Wild Robot. I think it's Pixar. No, Dreamworks. Is it? I don't know. We don't know, guys. Although Pixar will do it to you. Yes, it will. Um, but Wild, uh, Wild Robot. I don't know if you've seen that one. That one, I think, is DreamWorks or Pixar, one of the two. The robot and the geese. Yes. I I was a mess.
SPEAKER_02I was too.
SPEAKER_01A mess. Yeah, I was too. My kids are like, Moni, why are you so sad? And I'm just bawling my eyes out. I could not keep my shit together. So sometimes movies just trigger you. Yeah. And you just need to let it out and have a good cry. Oh my gosh. Have you seen Conjuring yet? The Conjuring? Yeah. The latest one. No, I haven't seen the new one. I forgot there was a new one. Never mind. Oh, we have to watch it. Yeah. Movie night.
SPEAKER_00Movie night. Wait, no, yeah, don't spoil it for me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I was gonna say, unless you want me to, but not. No, no, no, no, no. Don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. It's just something that happened in the beginning. And you're just like, yeah. Well, I was also pregnant, though.
SPEAKER_01When we were watching it.
SPEAKER_02Oh. Anything pretty much made me on time we're pregnant.
SPEAKER_01Dang. No, I'm curious. Yeah, we definitely have to set up a movie night for sure. Yes, we do. For sure. Um, so um we're doing better, obviously. Um but what are some things that you're working on?
SPEAKER_02Or that helped you through hard days. Um I mean the polling for sure. Um and just trying to pinpoint what I have. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's ADHD, guys. Pretty sure. Yeah. It could be something else, I guess. I don't really know what, but I guess that's what I'm in therapy for. Um and then honestly, I do have some comfort movies that help a lot too. Okay. Um, a lot of a lot of the Marvel movies. Really? Yes. Um, Infinity War I can watch on repeat or endgame.
SPEAKER_01I have not seen those since they came out because I fucking bald my eyes out of the show. I watch them a lot.
SPEAKER_02I watch them a lot. Um, I have an unhealthy attachment to them and Critical Role.
SPEAKER_01Yes, that I know.
SPEAKER_02Um DD. This DD Um channel called Critical Role. Their episodes are four hours long. About, um, usually. Um and their campaigns are hundreds of episodes. Long honestly, though, I've seen so many like reels of them and just the emotions.
SPEAKER_01It's so good. The emotions. Oh my god. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_02Oh my god. It's so good. It's like a movie. It really is. Um, but yeah, those I can watch on repeat. Like those would help me through hard days. Like, if I'm having a hard time, I will look up um like a uh what is it called? Like a compilation of like one of the characters' best moments or something. It'll make me laugh so hard.
SPEAKER_00Oh, good.
SPEAKER_02It's so so wonderful to me. Good. Um I've already told Chris, like, they do live shows sometimes. I'm like, if we go, I will cry probably the entire time. Just seeing them in front of me. Yeah, we will ball my eyes out. I was trying.
SPEAKER_01I tried. It's very expensive. Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna take her to go see one of these. At a country almost immediately. They sell out immediately and it's out of the country. And I'm just like, it's gonna happen. Yeah, it's gonna happen for sure.
SPEAKER_02I'm also I want to geek out and I want to sit in the front row.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Front row, five-star hotel, room service. We have to get shit face after it. If we can get a meet and greet, even better. You know what I mean? Like, she needs to be able to touch one of them, even if it's just a high five or a hug while you take a photo up, melt. Hugo crying. Yes, the pictures just literally all of them are just smiling.
SPEAKER_02That's probably what it would be. And one of them, um Ashley Johnson, my brother has a hugest crush on her, and I think they would be the best couple. My brother's so sweet, but um he freaking loves them too. I'm just like, one day, one day, I'll be famous, I'll meet them, and then I'll introduce you to her, and then you guys will get married and live happily ever after.
SPEAKER_01One day, guys. One day, one day it'll happen. For sure. For sure. But we should clip that.
SPEAKER_02Tag them.
SPEAKER_00Guys, tag them. Tag them, tag them in this episode. Critical role if you're listening. We love you.
SPEAKER_02Let us meet EOV.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02If I ever got the chance to play with them, oh, even better. I loved Indy so much.
SPEAKER_01Anyways. That's a good healthy outlet for sure.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Yeah, I can kind of pretend to be somebody else for like seven hours.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02That's why I read. Yeah, I used to read a lot. I look at I see like movies in my head usually. Um, and then the focus really dipped. Yeah. Like I was like I read well. So in um fourth grade, I was like at a sixth grade reading level or seventh grade or something like that. Um and I would read so much books in a day, in two days, whatever. Um, I read a lot of have you ever read um Chicken Soup for the Soul? Yes. Read a lot of those, a ton of those. Um and then, yeah. And then maybe like after high school, I want to say, the focus just kind of dipped.
SPEAKER_01It's kind of like, oh, I don't need to concentrate as much anymore.
SPEAKER_02Almost bad. Um, now I really can't read, like ever.
SPEAKER_01It's okay. Audiobooks. Audiobooks. I can do that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, thankfully, because I love books. Just so hard. Audiobooks help for sure.
unknownFor sure.
SPEAKER_02Let's work out on meds. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02Read five books in a day.
SPEAKER_01Five books in a day, Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_00Anyway, what are you working on? Five books in a day, apparently. Skinny books, you know? Really, really skinny books. Manga. Just all pictures. Yeah. One one to two words per page. Yeah. And I'll be able to read five books in a day for sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I'm working on, I should probably get a therapist. Am I working on that? No. Am I making moves to do it? No. Oh. Not yet. Not yet. Um, but I'm working on um my inner self-love in a sense, and also my outer self-love. I have body dysmorphia, so I always think that I'm the biggest person in the room. Um, and I have my good days and I might have my bad days, um, but I am working on that and trying to accept how I look in a sense. Um, like I said, I always thought I was the most hideous person. Um, I'm also trying to work on not shutting people out and kind of dropping my guard a little bit, but it's very difficult. Um, because I've always had my walls up for so long. Um, so I'm trying to do better. Trying to do better. Yeah. That's that's the that's the best says I got. I can't do more than that. If I do more than that, I'm I'm gonna crash and burn. Anyway, so slow. Honestly. So slow. It's okay. And the thing is, like, I just started this, guys. Like, it's not like oh, I've been doing this for years and no, I just started caring. Yes. And just like started, like, oh, I should probably do something to help myself.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01So this is new for me, and it's probably new for you too. So welcome. Yeah. If it is, it's okay. You're not alone. Absolutely. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I had some like would you rather questions about mental health. I don't know if we want to dive into those. Yeah, let's do it. All right. I feel like would you rathers are always fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they might be deep. I don't know. I mean, they that's fine if they're deep.
SPEAKER_02Oh, this one's not deep. Would you rather wake up in Freaky Friday or Groundhog Day?
SPEAKER_01I wouldn't know who I would do Freaky Friday with.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I would probably do Groundhog Day. Honestly, not gonna lie, I love that movie. Um, but I would probably do Groundhog Day.
SPEAKER_02Over and over.
SPEAKER_01Um, on it depends on the day though. True. Depends on the day. I think it depends on the day, depends on the person. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it's hard to say.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because Freaky Friday, I don't really have anybody that I would swap places with. Yeah. Um, because I don't have really bad tension with anyone close to me that we have to swap. You know what I mean? Um, so that's why I would probably choose Groundhog Day. Um, it just depends on the day, honestly. If it's the worst day of my life, then I'd rather die. Um if it's a day that I truly didn't know that I fucked up, but I slowly learned that I fucked up or I have to um kind of like understand, like, hey, this is not okay, I take it and learn from that mistake. Because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, he gets out of the groundhog right loop thing situation and he becomes a better person for it. True, that is true. So I I would gladly, I mean, they both do honestly, because Freaky Friday, they do both come out um out of it as better people and more understanding of the other person. I don't have that with anyone. So I feel like for me personally, I would do groundhog just because I need to work on myself. Right. And sometimes getting a perspective from the outside looking in will help with that because I'm always witnessing everything that I'm doing. I just don't know if it's bad from the outside looking in. Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That makes sense. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I feel so smart. God damn. Look at me.
SPEAKER_02Um, I would also probably choose Groundhog Day because the only person I have like tension with, I would not want to freak you Friday with them.
SPEAKER_01If I think you're thinking of that person, you know. Please don't. I don't think I can mentally handle that. We would not be best friends for that day. For that day, for that day, we would not be best friends until the other person, which will be you, tells me. Ed convinces me full full on. Because the second I see their face, I'm just gonna be like, fuck off. Yeah, you know what I mean? So, like, I need to be fully convinced. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So that's what my thing is.
SPEAKER_01The second they say something in your body and it triggers me, I'll be like, the fuck is wrong with you? You're not Sarah. I know you would know immediately. Yes, immediately. Yeah. The second you open your mouth and you say something, I'd be like, Who the fuck are you? What did you do to my battery? What did you do to her? Where is she?
SPEAKER_00Where is she?
SPEAKER_01Oh, Batman. Where is she?
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02All right, next. That was a good one. Okay. Would you rather give up social media or movies and TV forever? Social media. Social media. Absolutely, social media.
SPEAKER_01I have so many comfort shows and movies. If I ever lost that, and social media is so toxic that I I don't spend a lot of time on social media. Um unless like we're, you know, putting stuff up for for the pod. But um, if I lost my comfort shows or my comfort movies, I would go insane. Yeah, we do. I would go insane. No Shrek. No, no Shrek. I mean, the world of the world. The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man. I will heart palpitations.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, there's a lot of movies and TV shows that I could not live without.
SPEAKER_01Honestly. Absolutely. Honestly. Like I just restarted the vampire diaries. How many times have I seen that? More than my hands can count. And had just restarted it. I also just restarted how I met your mother. And I also just saw Shrek the other day. And when we went on vacation, I saw all four of them. I cannot be without my movies or my shows. Yeah, I really couldn't. No, I just can't. I I need I need my comfort comfort shows, my cartoons, my movies, my shows, all of them. So social media can go bye-bye.
SPEAKER_02Um, okay, let's do one more. Um my gosh, this one's hard. Oh god. Actually, maybe not that hard. Um would you rather give up all the memories or money you made this year? This year?
SPEAKER_01Oh god. Am I gonna be poor?
SPEAKER_02That's what I was like. I was like, I don't think I can give up my memories because a lot of it is my kids.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. I don't want to give up my memories, but I also don't want to be poor because if I'm poor, then I can't create new ones. I mean, I can, but they're not. They're just yeah, they're gonna be sad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I'm just gonna be stressed, and that's gonna go on to my kids. Um it's like another one of those, like, oh, you don't have you don't know what you have until it's gone kind of situation. Yeah. I cannot give up my memories. Yeah, I don't think I can. I cannot. I cannot give up my memories, even the bad ones that I wish I could give up. Yeah. Um you have to take the bad with the good, good with the bad. Yeah. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Yeah, I can't give up my memories. Yeah, I agree. I like them too much.
SPEAKER_02Um yeah, that was a good one to end on, I think. Okay. The others are a little more deep.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Maybe, maybe um in our next in our like our check-in, our mental health check-in in a month or two. We'll we'll do some deeper ones.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it will start with that.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and on a high note. Yes. Start on a heavy note, yes, for sure. Well, thank you for joining us. Yes. And dealing with our emotions, at least mine. Yeah. I joked a lot. I hope you liked it.
SPEAKER_02Honestly.
SPEAKER_01I hope so. Um, you're not alone. No. Um, we're here. Again, if you want to vent, we're here. If you want to talk, we're here. Um, but yeah, I think that was heavy. It was, it was, but it was good.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's good to talk things out, honestly. Um, feels a little lighter, usually.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah, for sure, for sure. But all right, well, until next time. Until next time, guys. Bye. Bye.